I'm searching for something...

I'm searching for something... // -->

Thursday, April 29

You probably have no idea how hurt i had been. though its such a small little thing, yet i felt so much about it. what do you think..

how i wish i can tell you everything.. but i know i can't. and i know i shouldn't.

Heli Dont ask me why 11:03 PM

Wednesday, April 28

Ho ho ho..

i've got back 3 FAILED test papers this week le. Seems like i'm going back to my sec 3 n 4 life eh? Keep failing that kind de.

Maybe it's just normal ba but then again.. doesn't seem to promising failing the first few test papers at the beginning of the year eh?

Har neh mind bout studies. Went for medical check up yesterday and had a tetanus shot on my left arm there. Yesterday night only could sleep on one side.. then think it's quite numb, lift up my arm will like have strain around that part. Yeah that's about it.

Actually don't know what to write here too. So if my entries sound very boring lately... then too bad le. =X

Tiredness... I'm tired.

Who's not?

Heli Dont ask me why 2:35 AM

Sunday, April 25

... and i make my statement: this is a blog i never was able to pen out what i think.

i don't have the courage to do that.

The little girl stepped into the playground. She sat on the swing and waited. Not a single soul came. She could only hear the dropping of the leaves.. the voices in her heart.. and suddenly she broke into tears and say... "God... just take me away..."

Heli Dont ask me why 4:32 AM

Constant reassurance

Where do i find this..? It's as though like a cup of water to me. When i'm thirsty, i need to drink from it. It's as though a something i need to live on it.

Sometimes i'm scared to know who i am in your eyes. Sometimes i'm just lost as to react or not react. Yes... inferior.. i can't deny from that.

Sometimes i'm just afraid... that i don't deserve anything at all.

Sometimes... because of all these i would have taken a path to walk away.. if you notice.. i ever did.

I wasn't the missing picture.

I don't fit in the puzzle...

... and thought i never would be.

Heli Dont ask me why 4:11 AM

Saturday, April 24

Chomp Chomp!!

Yup. Had great time yesterday night with fey to chomp chomp. Long time no see most of them and felt very happy that we were once again able to gather. So many things we talked about yesterday.. haha.. i'm really happy.

So other than outing, was also to celebrate ck's birthday la.. which is long time overdue. Hey dude.. better cherish that parfum hor.. LIMITED EDITION. Haha.. if you go get it next month, it's $89.90. No joke. =X

And so we had hell lot of fun together eating the food.. then poor us have to stuff down the carrot cake all because of jinglin. ONCE again is jinglin. She came out with stupid reason ask ck to go get carrot cake so he would be away from us then we could bring in the cake. Then the jay also gong gong really go get the carrot cake. Most importantly is the carrot cake is not nice. =X [lol. no offense la k? =P]

Then again the pics weren't really nice. Next time shan't use night vision le. Come out the pics blur blur de. Neh mind. Happy that we can be like last time go out chiong, take pics, talk talk can le. =D

So you ask me what's the most enjoyable thing going out with them?

Simple. To me if we just hang out.. talk talk... catch up on each other's life... of coz good if jinglin can lame again.. jay can tease yang(though he wasn't ard yest. =X) and yx or rather 'ying and yang'... belle can spread her everlasting contagious laughter.. youcai can stop shooting salivas around.. ck can stop complaining he never eat enuff.. vennie can stop feeling piss with her hair... yingxian can stop saying we all "niao"... then still got others(those no come yest de) come in to suan me.. if not that's good enough. That's why i enjoy going out for dinner with you all. Haha.. can't wait for the next gathering le. Next time all must turn up hor!!=P

Ha.. so this chairman post is.. ermm very tiring de. Hey you.. true hor.. if i don't organise they won't meet de. =P haha.. but seriously if had to go through all the trouble to organise then can see you all, think it's worth it all la. Haha..

Once again... Fey u rock. =D

*still thinking why we come up with the name fey... hmmm...*

Heli Dont ask me why 10:18 AM

Thursday, April 22

Salute to the Land Transport Authority engineer Mr Tan Lok Yong John who gave his life away just to save the rest.

The hero.

*salute.

"He was a very family man. He was very honest and very hardworking. He doesn't spend unnecessarily. He was loving but he never showed it outwardly," said Catherine.

"He was very strict on us and made sure that we always walked the right path," Raymund said.

Catherine added, "He emphasises the importance of education and he wants us to be the best we can and to be happy in our lives -- that's what he worked for.

"When we went to the site, then we knew how dangerous his job actually is. Because initially, he doesn't complain very much so when we went to the site we saw how deep the hole was and we think he has to go underneath the tunnel and work."

God bless the family members.

Heli Dont ask me why 11:58 PM

Wednesday, April 21

MICHELLE TANG!~ I MISS YOU!! =P

Heli Dont ask me why 12:27 AM

can YOU hear ME

bu zhi dao shi tuo xie huai le hai shi wo zou de mei you li qi...
hao xiang shui shi hui die dao... jiao bu chen zhong.. wo de xing ye hao chen zhong...
dao na li... wo chai neng zao dao xiu xi...

hao xiang da sheng da sheng de han...

hao xiang hao xiang ah...

Heli Dont ask me why 12:08 AM

Monday, April 19

Days like this.. no idea what to write... hmmm....

Amazing love, how can it be
That You my king would die for me?
Amazing love, I know it's true
And It's my joy to honor You
In all I do I honor You

Kept thinking of this song for lots of days le. Wished that they would sing this during p&w but din.

Hmm.. don't know what else to say here. But shall end this entry with a smile.

*smile*

=]

Heli Dont ask me why 1:08 AM

Friday, April 16

Ups and Downs.

Ha. Think lately i had ups and downs easily. Can get into pretty happy mood and then later part of the day can be very erm.. depressed about somethings. It's that what we call mood swings?=P

Anyway, think it's okay la. At least i found myself able to get up from down's soon.. not really dwell much. That's the way eh?

***

And so it's sotong's birthday today. Don't think she would see this but still my well wishes out to her.

Hey sotong: Enjoyed my friendship with you lots. Thanks for the many things you had done for me. Actually most of the things i want to say all in the card itself le. Hope you had a really great day today.

Happy Birthday to you. =]

Heli Dont ask me why 3:25 PM

Thursday, April 15

I'm in the wrong... yet.. i'm the one voicing out loud...

sighs.. i'm so guilty.. but i didn't mean to... i really didn't.. i wanted to own up de... but.. haiz.. aiya i dunno what to say la.. tmd... i hate myself... =//

Felt so.. all out just now. Was really enjoying myself. Told myself i won't be bothered by anything. Pretty glad i went there.. whole week of stress and everything and worries all out. And then..

Aiya dunno wad to blog now. My mood totally spoilt. I don't feel like doing homework.. hai.. last time used to long to walk with him home.. and then just now it became so raging all of a sudden... and then the fire died down... and it's so quiet.

God.. i don't know what else to say.. why do i feel so hopeful and so hopeless.. just moments ago i'm really ...

arrhhh i dun wan to say le la..

... just help me God.......

Heli Dont ask me why 11:39 PM

Felts

Sometimes i don't even know the things i do.

Sometimes i find my road gloomy.

I find myself broken into little pieces.

And i wonder if i can be healed.

The clouds blocked my light.

And everything is out to make me lose control.

It's so long since i feel this way.

No not sad.

I just felt.. seperated.

Just felt.. having a warm cup of drink.

Just felt like... having a hug.

Heli Dont ask me why 12:53 AM

Wednesday, April 14

Wanted to post this pic up on easter day de. But com wasn't back yet. Nice pic uh?

(can see?)

Easter day.. First time i celebrate it knowing the meaning behind it. So naturally felt a little different that day. And plus after watching the poc, hmmm... lols i don't know what to say.

Think this picture fits perfectly. Eggs and the words - "It was love from the very beginning"

We love, because He first loved us.
1 John 4:19 NASB

Heli Dont ask me why 9:32 AM

Have a break! Have a Kit-Kat!

Just taking a little break from studying. Not really studying la.. but.. doesn't matter. Anyway couldn't log on to EMB now.. think the system crash or what. Was attempting some of the econs question online and i realised how poor i am in that topic. It isn't that i didn't pay attention in lectures.. but there are just many terms for me to remember.. elastic and inelastic.. what else? Then there's the math questions... geog powerpoints.. Actually geog wasn't really difficult just that ya.. the terms used also a lot and need to understand all of them. Yeah terms again... and there are SO MANY OF THEM... -__-

You know while studying just now, i nearly freaked out. To scare myself, i'm left with the rest of this month and may to catch up with my studies. Will be having my CIBTC in june from 31st may to 16th june leaving a week plus for revising. And july will be my mid year. Frightening to think like this huh?

Then this make me feel more erm.. relieved that i didn't run for sc election. Lucky i didn't if not.. i will die nicely let you see... (si de mei mei gei ni kan! lols. direct translation. )

Heli Dont ask me why 1:29 AM

Monday, April 12

What to say?

I chose to fall yesterday. I chose to sink. I chose to let it flow all out. And the reason is simple. Why can't i?

Don't think it's wrong to be upset over spill milk ba. Just that i shouldn't stay on it too long. Anyway it's so long ago. It's no use thinking about it. Wo hui dong shi de. But sometimes i watch the show, hai zhen you dian xiang ta. Sometimes really did questioned myself if she's around not. Yes i did dropped tears yesterday and what i said was true. But like i said, i shouldn't dwell on it long. And i meant my words.

And so these are probably what i want to say. No problem. Everything's alright. The sunny days will be back again.

I remembered.. it's my choice. =]

Heli Dont ask me why 7:39 PM

Sunday, April 11

It's heavy.. sinking.. drowning.. struggling.. missing..

It's my heart.

Mum, i saw you today. I didn't know what to say to you. I want to smile for you, but i couldn't. When i saw your pic, your face... i realised i miss you a lot... mummy i missed you...

hai yo.. mummy ni dong bu dong.. while we were burning things for you.. shui gu passed me the "blanket" and then i threw it in the burner.. he told me.. you need that for warmth.. and he even added on say next time buy air con for you.. my heart broke at that point in time.. you used to be saving so much.. you used to fan me while i sleep and not switch on the fan.. mummy.. i hope you know.. don't need to save up there k? duo gu last time at your funeral say before.. burnt more for you.. so you up there no need to save.. you had been saving and saving for your whole life.. and before you get to enjoy.. you're gone.. don't be hard on yourself now k.. i will get very xin tong..

you up there dunno where u are.. i watched the show mummy with love.. the show that mum was around with her children all the time.. are you around us all the time? wo hao xiang ni...wo hao xiang ku ar mummy..............

i used to think of days with you around sometimes.. i sometimes share with them.. sometimes i refrain myself from doing so.. for once i start... there's no ending... went to bugis that day and i started talking about you.. i wanted to keep on going but tears are giving way... i missed those days... ......

Heli Dont ask me why 10:34 PM

Saturday, April 10

Dou Feng!

Haha.. kept telling people around me that my blog that erm.. "feeling" or maybe "culture" sort of change le. I realised my blog is getting happier ya? haha.. yup. And if you're thinking i'm just trying to make it happy, then you're wrong le! It's really flowing from my heart. =D

Yeah. I loved to sit in people's car and just travel anywhere.. really i just like to be the passenger being drove around. Don't know why but i just like the feel of it. Then sit in the car watch the things that bypassed me.. etc. Don't ask me why.. i just love it. =]

*To peeps:Hey.. thanks for jio-ing me out sia. Thanks the chauffeur for tolerating our nonsenses. Thanks to the one who sat beside me for bringing in contagious laughter. Thanks to the one in front for laming. Thank god three of you jio me out. If not i stay in my house will go mad. Think of crab i real mad! =X

Tomorrow.. hmmm.. got happy and sad ba. Maybe i will end up talking bout my story here again. Yeah.. my story. =]

*To you: Don't be stuck at the black screen for long. Yeah we never know what would happen. But now you know you're still alive, enjoy it ma. Rmb what i say okay? =)

Heli Dont ask me why 11:35 PM

Friday, April 9

Finally!

Woo hoo. Today deserves a celebration! I finally got to watch the poc! Nearly can't.. Booked tickets le then went to ps. However was stopped at the guard at the entrance there. He insisted that i show my ic or ezlink to him. SIghs. Then see the manager le still say i can't go in. Anyway end up we went j8 to watch. Lucky manage to enter. All thanks to KOR!~ Haha.. neoprints we took weren't nice.. next time got chance take again okay? =P

*Kor: Really thank you for accompanying me to watch today. Sorry for wasting your time and effort and money to purchase the online booking tickets. Really had a great time today. Hope you have yours too. Looking forward to the next time we go out again. one whole day de!! =]

Then went to hg green meet peeps. Stayed with them only awhile then cass brought me away le. We went bugis village to scout for her bag. After that haha.. we went to take neoprint. First time take till so nice! [Oh.. today i wear till quite shu nu horz!! hehe.. ] Though some of it quite funny la.. haha.. but that's where the fun part is mah! Lols. Towards the end .. hmm.. don't know why started telling her my story etc.. then quite solemn. Haha.. but overall it was a good day. Really rather happy day. =D

*Mei:You arh.. better don't start becoming like me. Don't think too much about things okay? Remember you're still at the initiate stage.. can still change your mindset de. Cannot be like jie think too much![Alex also hor!] Pics really nicely taken with you today. Though din manage to decorate it nice nice. Haha.. really happy to go out with you too. =]

Btw the poc was really.. very sad. When peter denied christ i already start to shed tears le. And after that when he was hitted by the idiots.. nailed on the cross etc.. my goodnesss really very gross and i almost cried out loud when the nail was hammered into his hand. Really thank God for laying down his life. His actions and everything.. really is very touching. I think the money i spent just to watch this show is worthed it.

Stupid Satan. You suck.

*Almost teared just now while talking. Could never stopped talking about it i guess. Going to see her this sunday. Be prepared to see me down again much as i don't wish to. Hai.. i miss her...=|

Heli Dont ask me why 11:08 PM

Wednesday, April 7

What a Tuesday.

Just finished my tutorial. Actually not yet completely done, little blanks here and there.. but.. i'm tired. Timetable was released yesterday. Gonna have 3 long days in a week.. and long would mean till 4 plus near 5. Sighs.. Going to hate Tuesday from now on. Lessons till 4.10 and having CCA after that. Think i'm joining peer counselling as my 2nd CCA. Realised also that i had hard time concentrating in lectures. Once i drift into space for 10 to 15s.. i would not be able to catch up unless the teacher repeats again. And then i've to start doing tutorials... start getting back on track. Noticed how many times i post an entry here about getting to study mode? Yeah. I'm not there yet.

Can't wait for friday to come. I want to watch the Passion sia. Oh.. and btw i felt a little special today while reading the book - "A Love Worth Giving". Don't know was it i felt His presence of what.. just that short period of time.. haha.. i've no idea. But it's good isn't it? *smile*

Heli Dont ask me why 12:55 AM

Monday, April 5

I just wonder what's up with those people.. Nothing better to do is it? Create all kinds of viruses.. don't know what the hell is wrong with their brains.. really.. no cow sense..

Stupid people. Stupid idiots. Stupid worms. Stupid worms creators. DAMN WITH YOU ALL.

To you: Sorry i'm not in the right state to share your happiness. But congrats. If there's no WORMS.. i would be happy for you.

Heli Dont ask me why 12:50 AM

Sunday, April 4

Bad sign

Awoke with a sore head. Then can't start off the computer in the morning. Right now i'm using the other one which is very very old and lag com to type all these out. Not very good signs of starting a sunday like this.

To add on to the previous entry, want to thank yx for walking with me yesterday... I'm scared of dark. Lucky we never get lost. And belle, pai seh made you wait so long for nothing. Sorry. Will get a chance to eat chomp2 soon de.

Homecuming was fine. Didn't attend the speech day and you should know why. First time attending homecuming as a senior, you know no need to set up stores. This time round it was really a big scale.. really big as compared to last year's... the people was like thrice what we had last year.. and we had onli a miserable of 2 hrs to do the homecuming.. this year was like from 11 plus to 5? Anyway, spent most of the time rotting then shopping. Future homecuming would go there only at the last one hour.. free food and not so many ppl.. =P

Dinner was fine. Talked a lot of rubbish which in actual fact i don't even know what i was talking about. Spent a lot of money lately. Save le all also spent. Haiz.. i'm broke.

And it's a sunday morning again. Haven't been to c for 1 month plus.. and i'm dying to watch The Passion of Christ. Hopefully this coming week... hopefully. =X

Heli Dont ask me why 10:37 AM

tmd. realli nth to say... wtf..

i just finishing wad i want to type here. den this com hang. damn...

but i too tired to write once more le.. really shacked up... and drained.

Headache.

i just want to say i talked about her jus now to yx.. den i think i gua nian her still alot.. like she appear so real to me suddenly... haix..

nvm i'm too tired. i cannot think le...

sleep...

Heli Dont ask me why 12:38 AM

Saturday, April 3

*smiling*

haha.. can't believe i started off TODAY smiling. Heh heh.. glad i was able to talk to you this morning. Thanks for sharing with me your thots. Hope i make your day today! =D

*still smiling*

Heli Dont ask me why 9:39 AM

Thursday, April 1

It's true that when someone is feeling sad and he or she listens to sad melodies or songs at that point of time, the feelings will be brought out automatically.

Stared at the keyboard and it stared back at me. Just don't know what to write le. My blog seems to sink again. Very sian of it le. Perhaps some day i shall delete this entire blog.

...

Still blank.

...

Neh mind. That's all for today. Thank you people.

Heli Dont ask me why 11:49 PM

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